Chapter 17

Yearning for a Bond

I woke up slowly. Habitually reaching for my pack links to only be met with that void. My body remembering the new development that had taken place the night before. I layed there as I stared at the wall of a room I don’t recognize, Shoto's scent thick and strong around me.

I laid there staring at the wall, my body refusing to listen to me. Everything felt heavy, my eyes wanting me to go back to sleep and forget everything for a little longer. Even my wolf hid away from me as I tried to reach out to him, desperate for any form of connection. I need to find a new pack before… I will have to leave soon.

I know that I won’t be able to say goodbye to Shinso and Kami, for the next week their new bond would need to be strengthened and I don’t want to cause anything that would prevent that. As much as I didn't want them to leave me, I know that it was the best thing for them. They shouldn't have to worry about me and the pain I am going through. They have a new future that promises happiness, my presence will only make that difficult.

After a few minutes my body finally listens, allowing me sit up on the bed. I look at my surroundings as I will my body to stand. I was alone in a bedroom, obviously Shoto's. I can barely feel my wolf as I walked away from the bed. We were both feeling the effects of the broken bonds, and I knew he was taking most of the pain for me.

I needed to leave, if I stay here the pain will only get worst. I needed to allow Kami and Shin to move on, and in order for me to give them that chance I can’t be here.

I walked out the door, my body feeling weak, but I pushed forward. No one was around as I made my way out of the pack house, or as I walked through the forest towards the border. I slowly made my way through the trees until I smelt the familiar pheromone border.

I pause at the territory line, leaning against a tree to catch my breath. I hesitantly look behind me as I say a final goodbye to my old pack and the possibility of having a home, having love. I am a rogue now without my pack, the bonds purposefully broken despite everything I have done. I can’t change anything or be better, so staying here would only put everyone in danger. It is only a matter of time that I will go feral, I can't let anyone that I love see that.

A tear slides down my cheek as I turn my back to the Todoroki village, taking a step over the border. My heart pounding as I realize exactly what is happening, all of it becoming real as my feet touch unclaimed grass.

"Izuku!"

I paused as I heard the voice that has brought me so much happiness the past few months, now it only brings unbearable pain. He was the one to take my pack away from me, he is the reason my pack left. I should have trusted Kacchan, he warned me this would happen. I fell into an alpha's trap. No… I walked freely into it.

I continue to walk, moving further away from the territory line and ignore the calls that echo behind me. It isn’t until I felt a hand pull my shoulder that I stop.

"Where are you going?" Shoto was out of breath as he stood beside me, his face full of confusion and concern.

I clench my hands, anger slipping through at the stupid question. "I don't have a pack anymore. So why should I stay?" I growl at him, snapping my jaw as I tried to hold back my rage. The desire to kill him here and now boiling in me.

I pulled away as Shoto tries to hold me. "Because yo-"

"Because you want me to stay? You broke your promise Todoroki! You told me you wouldn't hurt me or my pack, but here you are causing the worst pain a Superior can ever go through. You took my pack and made me watch!" Tears flow down my cheeks as I screamed at him. I could see his face fill with pain as he watches me.

I was releasing venomous pheromones, and I could tell it startled him. I am beyond angry, I want to cause him pain, as much pain that I could muster. The only thing holding me back was that Shin and Kami would have to watch their new pack kill the rogue that I am for hurting their Superior. As much as I hate the man in front of me, I can’t do that to them.

I quickly turned around and ran, using as much of my quirk that I can handle, and depart from the territory that I have lived for the past few months. I hear Shoto begging for me to come back, but I tune him out. I can’t bear the pain that he now brings me. I am going to return to the one place I know I am welcome, even if no one will be there to great me.

It takes me a week to find my way back to my village. Winter has fully set in on the ridge I had to pass, making the climb over it difficult to cross. I knew I was heading in the correct direction by the landmarks I recognized from the departure all those months ago. Who knew that I would be returning alone, with no pack with me or to welcome me.

This seemed fitting though. My father deserted me when I was a child, my mother died at 15. The only father figure I had was murdered in front of me. Then my best friend met the same fate even as I tried my hardest to save him. How could I not predict that the last few people I had would leave me too. Abandon me to a fate worst than death.

This seemed to be the fate that I was destined to live from the beginning, alone with no one. How could I have expected anything more? I must have fucked up hard in my last life to receive this level of karma.

I slowly make my way into what used to be my pack's territory. The scent line long gone since no pack was here to maintain it. The snow is thick as I proceed, the only evidence of life is from the forest creatures that inhabit these woods.

My heart clenches as I walk into my destroyed village. The burned remains of collapsed buildings are the only thing that shows a village used to be here. I walk forward, my mind replaying memories of my pack.

I walked up to the only building that isn’t burnt down. The building that I called home for the last few years of my pack's life. The pack house that Yagi moved me into when I obtained my role as the next Superior.

I make my way in, tears falling as I walk through the trashed rooms. It isn’t until I walk into my old room that I realized how much I hate my life.

I sit on my bed, and look out the window. I will start the process of burying my pack tomorrow, right now I need to rest. I can feel fatigue blanket me as I lay down, my body begging for rest. So I grant the only thing that I can do, sleep.

I don't know how long I have been here. The days are mixing together as I do the only things I can at this point. My body is exhausted with the amount of energy I am burning everyday. Digging the large whole for my deceased pack took me days. Searching through the snow for bones has mentally affected me as I imagine who they could belong to. I can only handle it for a few hours before I feel my brain start to zone out as I stare into space.

The rest of the time is spent just trying to survive. Hunting is difficult with just me, so I can only catch small game. The small animals barely satisfy my hunger and it is almost not worth hunting them with how much energy I have to exert to catch them.

I have to stay in my wolf form with how cold it is here, plus the amount of raw meat I am consuming will make me sick if I am human. Yet, staying in my wolf form isn't healthy for my human mind. I can feel myself losing the concept of time and falling into primal urges. It's a damned if I do and damned if I don't at this point.

I know I am becoming more feral with every day that goes by. The isolation is starting to go to my head. I don't even have my wolf to keep me company as he goes through the withdrawals of our broken bonds. I am starting to talk to myself and at one point I swear that I heard Yagi in the trees. The rational part of me knows that this isn't good, but there isn't anything I can do. I will just have to wait until I completely lose myself to my wolf and hope that life will be better.

I keep pushing though, the only thing keeping me present is the desire to complete the task before me. I hunted this morning, catching a wounded raccoon. The sun is already high in the sky as I resume my search through the snow. I think I have found most of my pack, but I cannot be sure until the snow melts.

I am digging in the snow, searching for my pack when I hear footfall not far behind. I ignore it at first, thinking it is just my mind playing tricks on me until they become louder. I stop and listen, the sound is coming closer and are heavier than a deer, so I know it is a predator animal.

I walk to a burned building to hide and wait for them to pass. I need to be careful if it is another rogue, I don't have a lot of strength for a fight. I don’t want to be forced from here, so hiding is my best chance at being evaded.

Within a few moments a deep growl resonates deep in my chest as I recognize the large white and red alpha wolf emerging through the trees. He isn't alone, there are 10 others with him, one of them being Shin. His dark wolf looking around and leading the way as the others follow.

I stay in my place as I watch Shin shift to his human form. He walks forward, calling my name. His voice is full of desperation as he looks around our old village. I know the emotions he is going through, but I stay quiet. He has no loyalty to me anymore, the only thing we have in common now is our dead pack. That isn't enough for me to trust him anymore.

He turns to the others and I know he is talking through their pack link. The realization filled me with anger and pain. How dare they, no, how dare he do the one thing that I was denied. He is daring to rub it in my face, what a shitty wolf!

I quickly stand and walk out of my spot, letting them see my green wolf. A loud growl resonates through my chest as I bare my fangs. I stand tall as I try to fake strength. I won’t allow them to push me away from here, this isn’t their land.

Shinso turns towards me, tears in his eyes as he races towards me. I freeze in surprise at his actions. His human form desperately fighting against the snow to reach me. Why is he doing this?

I take a few steps back and growl at him, but he ignores it and wraps his arms around my neck, crying into my fur. I keep my eyes on the other members as they shift as well. Now that they are in human form I recognize many of them. Iida, Ochako, Mina, Yaomoza and Rei stand behind Shoto with a few other wolves I don't recognize. They look to Shoto waiting for guidance from their Superior.

The moment I recognize Rei, I can't keep my eyes off her. My body yearns for her touch, for her to hold me like she did before. But I don't move as Shin continues to hold me, letting himself feel the comfort I bring to him. I snap my jaw a couple of times without realizing as I try to focus on what this pack is going to do. My mind becoming lost as I struggle predicting their motives.

Shin suddenly pulls away and forces me to look into his eyes. I can see the bags from lack of sleep that adorn his face. He looks tired and pale as I trace his features with my eyes. His gentle stare brings me back to my human mind for a moment.

"Zuku, how long have you been in your wolf? Your behavior and scent have changed." I just stare at him, not really knowing the answer myself. Everything has gotten fuzzy since being on my own. Honestly it could have been months and I wouldn't know.

"Zuku, shift to your human form now!" His voice is demanding as his grip tightens in my fur. I shake my head, trying to pull away. He repeats himself in his alpha voice, but I easily ignore it. I know if I shift I will get sick and possibly die from what I have eaten and how feral my mind has gotten. Besides, I don't think I remember how. The idea seems foreign to me.

"Izuku! If you don't you will continue to become fer-"

"He can't." A soft, but loud voice states. I turn to look at Rei, she has a sad look on her face. "He will get sick, and if his wolf isn't responding to him then it will be hard for him to shift back."

I watch as she slowly walks forward, her gaze never leaving mine. I can't help but pull away from Shin and walk towards her, my body pleading for her to embrace me. I ignore Shin's small whine from me leaving him.

I sigh when her hands press against the sides of my face, holding me so I have to look in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Izuku. I can't imagine the pain you have felt, but I am here. Will you please allow me to make you some food that won't make your human sick?" Her voice is low and soft, only loud enough for me to hear. I nod my head, before nuzzling my head into her chest.

She holds me for a few minutes, her hands running through my fur. I can't help the purr that is starting to come as I feel my body relax for the first time since I have left the Todoroki pack. I can feel her scenting me, and I smile as I feel my omega come forward from the affection. I greet him and ask him to stay, which he gladly agrees to.

When we pull away, I ignore everyone and head back to continue my task. There is no point in hanging around the others, I can't talk to them. The idea of them staring at me and having a one sided conversation isn't enjoyable.

As I work the others start setting up a camp; some searching for firewood, others going off to hunt and some entering the building I have been sleeping in. I feel Shin come up to me and watch as I dig. I hear him take a shaky breath as I grab one of the bones that I found and walk it to the large hole.

"Zuku, you don't have to do this." He states, following me with a shocked face. I ignore him as I carry on. I growl as he tries to grab me, intending to stop what I am doing. I look him in the eye and glare, another growl leaving me as I demand for him to leave me alone.

He does but not before giving me a pained expression. I honestly don't care what he thinks. I am not doing this for anyone but me. This is the last thing I can do as Superior, this is how I take care of my pack for the last time.