Chapter 14

One Day at a Time

The sun was setting as I left the cabin. I spent hours trying to explain what happened to Shin and Kami, but nothing I said eased their stress. They were a nervous wreck when they pulled me into the cabin, distress pheromones dumbing off the blond.

Kami was a sobbing mess as he yelled at me for leaving, telling me over and over how worried he was for me. I have never seen Kami like that, he is always care free, and seeing him like this broke my heart. Even Shin looked like he had been crying. His eyes were red and he kept hugging me every few minutes, telling me I couldn't leave like that again. Both of them looked sleep deprived and by the end of our conversation, both very grumpy. I had to promise many times that I would never leave during my heat again.

To be honest, the conversation drained me. I felt like a child being scolded by his parents. The feeling of guilt eating me up as I realized my absence only worsened their health instead of helping them.

Goddess, I'm so stupid. Why didn't I think of that? I'm obviously not a good leader for them. I can't get out of my head long enough to see if my decisions are actually productive or not.

Maybe I can talk to Shoto and see if he is willing to take them into his pack. I can't hold them down with my inability to lead. They deserve a Superior that can keep a level head and prioritize them.

I feel my eyes stinging and try to hold back the tears. It seems all I've done is cry and I'm tired of it. How can my body keep doing this? It hasn't helped at all, but here I am still doing it. It just drains my energy, pulls me down to the point that I can't get back up.

I start walking to the pond slowly, my mind wrapped in the conversation I had with my pack. Replaying the crying and yelling over and over again. It takes me a moment to realize someone is walking next to me.

I look up and try to smile as Shoto is already looking at me, a small smile on his face. "Sorry, I didn't notice you were here." I mumble, quickly wiping away any possible tears that would be noticeable.

"You're fine, I didn't want to disturb your thoughts." He says, a small hint of worry on his face. But just as fast as I saw it, it was gone.

"Na, my thoughts aren't the best place for me anyway." I sigh, it isn't even a lie. My head has been a toxic place recently, so maybe staying out of it will help.

"Well, maybe bathing in warm water will clear your head." He says with a soft smile as he gestures towards the treeline.

I feel myself emotionally shift, pushing all my negative feelings into a box and closing it for another time. Allowing myself to breathe in the new potential of contentment with the alpha beside me.

I beam at him and speed up my pace. "I expect to not be thrown in the water this time." I state as I skip ahead. Though I wouldn't mind if we did start playing in the water together. I can't help it, I am part dog after all. I love water.

I wait on the side of the pond, crouching down next to the alpha as Shoto puts his hand in the water to warm it. He holds it in the water, the water softly lapping at his wrist.

"How long will it stay warm?" I ask as a cold breeze hits me. I wrap my cloak around me tighter to lock in my body heat. I push my nose further into the fabric, breathing a hot breath under the fur. I don't know if it is my brain making things up, but I thought I smelt Kacchan for a second. I close my eyes as I hear Shoto replies, reminding myself to stay out of my head.

"Not very long with just my hand. I can keep it at a constant temperature if more of my body is in it though." he says, turning to me. I can't help the soft giggle that escapes me as I read between the lines.

"Is that your way of asking me if you can join?" I tease with a smirk on my face.

"No, this is." He sits up and takes my hand bringing it to his face. "Izuku, I would love to join you this evening if you allow," he kissed my hand, keeping his gaze on me before continuing. "But I will not pressure you. If you wish, I will keep only my hand in the water until you have had your fulfillment."

My face turns red at his words while I feel my heart racing. My omega purrs in me as Shoto continues to hold my hand. The warmth of his hand ebbing at my cold fingers, sending a shiver of goosebumps across my body.

"Umm..." I look away, trying to compose myself. "I guess you can join, but only because I am using you to heat the pond." I finish quickly. Don't need him to get any funny ideas.

"Thank you Izuku." He says with a smile before pressing his forehead against my hand. I stare and him, shocked at the obvious show of courting and commitment. Alpha’s usually only do this infront of other wolves to show their claim. It’s the closest way since it is frowned upon for an alpha to scent an unmarked omega.

"Whatever..." I mumble stealing my hand back, trying to hide my obvious blush. Why would he do that when we are alone?

I swiftly undress and lower myself in the water. I let out a deep sigh as I leaned back. The heat feels so nice against the cool air. Goosebumps spread over my body as I relax further into the water.

Shoto sits next to me, leaving a bit of space between us. I hum as we listen to the night’s activity around us. I look up at the sky, seeing the moon at its crescent phase. My mouth falling down a bit as I look at it.

I feel an arm wrap around me as Shoto pulls me close. "It's okay to cry." He whispers to me.

I look at him as I feel a tear fall down my cheeks. "I don't think it helps anymore." I say. My voice sounds so small. I feel so small.

"Maybe talking will?"

I sigh loudly, part of me wishing it was that easy. How could talking about any of this help, it will just make me cry again. Making me feel like I am burdening him when we should be enjoying the water.

"It's okay, I'm fine." I smile lightly, trying to make my voice reflect the fake atmosphere I am trying to create.

"So, talking won't, but maybe having someone listen will? It has to be hard having no one to talk to right now." Shoto replies. His voice is soft, no pressure or intention behind what he says. Just explaining what he thinks.

I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder. Maybe that will work. Kacchan used to do that for me when my mother died... He would listen and it helped. It is quiet for a moment while I compose myself. I take a breath as I muster up the courage to allow my brain to vomit what it wants.

"When I was young, my father deserted my pack. I was never told why, but the way it still hurt my mother over the years led me to believe that it wasn't for a good reason." I can still remember her trying to hold back tears every time I asked about him. She would pull me into hugs and give a short reply, but never fully answered.

"When I was 15, I asked my mother again and she broke down and told me she wouldn't burden me with his choices. She begged me not to ask her about him anymore, that he didn't deserve my worries. I agreed for her sake, but I couldn't help the small part of me that desired to see him.

So, I decided I was going to go looking for him. I wanted to know why he left. So late one night I snuck out of my village. I shifted into my wolf and ran as fast and as far as I could. I only made it a few hours before I was stopped."

I close my eyes, reliving that night. Running through the forest towards the eastern mountains. The forest smells filling my nose and guiding me on a directionless path, until the sudden scent of campfire and wood filling my nose as the wind shifted.

"Kacchan had followed me. When I asked if he was sent to retrieve me. He said no, and told me that whatever I was doing he would follow. That he has been by my side since we were children and he wasn't going to leave me." I let a small smile grace my face. "Though he said it was because I was a weak beta and needed an alpha’s protection.

"And that is what he did. He followed me, was by my side for 3 weeks while I wandered." I chuckle slightly. "Honestly, my plan was stupid. I had no idea where I was going and it was obvious. We basically starved because all we could do was catch small prey, but Kacchan never left my side. He never questioned me, but rather was my support system."

"When I had reached my limit and finally gave up, all he did was chuckle with that dumb smirk on his face. I still remember the way he rolled his eyes when I said that I didn't know what I was doing. When we returned home, he took the blame for me. He said that he wanted to go on a hunt and I followed. That he got us lost trying to get rid of me.

He was reprimanded by our Superior Omega, Toshi. He was so mad at us.''

I let my tears fall, but this time they are quiet and slowly flow down my cheeks. Like the tears are more than just pain, they don't hurt as they fall. I look back up at the moon, and I can feel my omega yearn at the memories that flicker through my head.

"My mother died when I was 16 from an infection. I isolated myself for weeks, but Kacchan never left my side. He made sure I ate, bathed and took me outside everyday. He never pushed me unless my actions would hurt myself or someone else. One night I finally broke. He took me outside and we laid under the crescent moon. He told me that the Moon Goddess takes those who left their pack too early and cares for them. That the Moon Goddess doesn't deny them a chance to watch over their pack until they are reunited."

"Every night for a year Kacchan would sit by me as I said goodnight to my mother. He would sit and hold me on the nights that I broke, or we would laugh and share memories on the nights I was stronger. He helped me mourn my mother."

I look at Shoto, he has a small smile on his face and a few tears glinting in his eyes. He tightens his grip as I allow myself to fully cry. "I miss him so much. How do I do this? How can I live without him?" I bury my face into the alpha’s neck as I break down.

I feel Shoto rocking me back and forth slightly while rubbing my back. He hums as I cry, not saying anything.

After a few minutes, my sobs have calmed down. I don't move away as I take comfort in his embrace. It feels like he is the only thing holding me together right now. That if I pull away I will fall into a million pieces.

I hear Shoto take a breath. "No one expects you to move on, Izuku. Kacchan was and still is a part of you. It's okay to feel lost right now without him." I can't help myself as more tears fall with his words. He grabs my chin and pulls my head up until I am looking at him.

"We will take this one day at a time. That is how you learn to live without him. One day at a time." I nod my head and he lets me nuzzle into his neck. I breathe in his scent, letting it soothe me.

We sat there for what seemed like hours in each other's arms. Neither of us talking, just holding each other as we looked at the stars. I didn't want to let go of him, right now I just wanted to be small and allow someone to comfort me. To allow myself to show how shattered I am, let myself crumble under the weight and pain that leaches into me.

After what seemed like minutes but was probably hours by how wrinkled my hands became, we got out of the pond. We stayed silent as we got dressed. I couldn't say anything, it seemed like the effort wasn't worth it right now. But it didn't seem to bother Shoto.

He followed me to Kacchan, allowing me space as I traced my fingers over the K in the tree. I leaned my head against the bark and whispered a goodnight to my dear friend. Asking him to watch over me, Shin and Kami. To guide Okami as she grows and help us rebuild our pack.

I didn't have the energy to walk back to the cabin. I could feel my mind blurring as I sat down, gripping the grass. My fingernails filled with dirt as I tried to ground myself, begging the mother of trees to give me strength, to allow me to do more than just crumble. My body just wanted to rest, to turn off and allow darkness to take over.

I took off my clothes and shifted into my wolf. Curling into myself as I lay by my friend. Allowing the memories of our childhood to flow through my mind as I drifted off into unconsciousness. As my mind wandered into unconsciousness, I found myself begging the moon goddess to bring Kacchan back to me if only in my dreams, allow me to see him again and feel the warmth of his presents.

I didn't notice Shoto shift next to me, or lay beside me like he did the night before, but my omega did and relaxed as the heat from his body warmed mine. My omega knew he was there for me, and allowed my mind to drift as he curled closer to the white and red wolf. Only controlling my body long enough for us to find comfort from the alpha that we love.