Chapter 1:
Dark clouds hung overhead as the setting sun flickered through. The shadows casted long strips over the ground, making the earth look dull and colorless. The threat of rain had begun to cross the sky as thunder rolled in the distance, low and thick with each wave of wind it made.
It was honestly the perfect atmosphere to enhance the emotional mess a certain green haired man was in. It was all Izuku could think about at the moment. Though he wished the rain would come and mix with the tears that streamed down his face. Begged for the thunder to thrash loud enough to hide the cries that escaped him as he mourned.
But fate had never been kind to him. It had abandoned the young man long ago, leaving him to struggle alone.
Although, why would fate help him when he hasn’t been kind to himself in so long? Especially when he defied it at every chance he got. His bull headed ego tried countless times to create its own fate and force them into fruition. He ignored every warning that tried to redirect him and kept heading in the wrong direction.
So was it really a surprise to receive some leniency now? No really. Why would whatever god was out there help him when he had never wanted it in the first place? No doubt they were laughing at his pain now, saying the ‘I told you so’ phrase.
Izuku knew that fate would never show him the grace they gave others. Especially now, when he wasn’t willing to show any of it toward himself?
Izuku stood in a cemetery not far from his old home. A bundle of flowers dangling in his hand while his fingers traced the cold stone in front of him. How cruel his life had become- for all his hope to be stripped away into nothing but a shadow of what it once was. Leaving him no chance to apologize or to try and make amends to the one person that never deserved to be abandoned.
His decision to return home now was just a slap in the face when he should have done it long ago. Life had moved on without the hero, and no matter how much he begged into the empty air, he was stuck. Stuck in the reality he made by his own hands.
Shaky fingers outlined the carved letters on the stone. His mothers name, so familiar but looking so wrong on the headstone.
Midoriya Inko
May she find peace and happiness while she rests
Izuku crouched down before his mother stone, placing the flowers down before covering his face with his hands. “I’m sorry, mom, I failed.” He stammered between sobbs. “I should have come home… I’m so sorry.”
The pain that rippled through his chest intensified, his soft cries turning ugly as they swelled out of him in waves. His fingers dug into green curls, desperate for any form of comfort, for anything to help ground him. Anything to ease the pain that seemed to be tearing him from the inside out.
It has been almost 5 years since Izuku was last in Japan. The last time he had seen his mother. He had left after accepting an undercover mission in America the year after graduating from UA. He was already making a name for himself in Japan, and unfortunately the green haired hero was becoming hotheaded with the increased control over One For All.
The new hero wanted to expand his reach, like All Might had done before him. To be the greatest hero for anyone who needed it. Izuku knew that would eventually include any offers that came out of the country, but he hadn’t expected it so soon after graduation. Yet, he remembered the excitement that coursed through his body as he read the offer.
The mission was clear with their needs. The top adjective was to apprehend one of the United State’s biggest villains running rampant in California. One that they were having trouble getting close enough to because of the villain's once hero title. The villain knew everything the heroes did; their processes, protocol and had trained with many of the heroes in the area.
They needed someone that hadn’t been trained under the same structure of the US, a hero that could adjust and guide the others in a mission that was already at high risk but needed to stay low profile. The state commission didn’t want the public to know the details of the case, or that they were requesting help from a hero from a foreign country.
All Might had advised against accepting the mission, convinced it was beyond what he could handle. Yet, Izuku had become blinded by his own ignorance and desire to be the next symbol of peace. All he could think about was how the success of this mission would increase his rankings and push him closer to becoming what he had wanted since a child.
Looking back, Izuku could see how he had overestimated his abilities. That misconception had ultimately been his biggest flaw, causing a domino effect toward the worst outcome possible. And it didn’t matter how hard Izuku worked to redirect that course, nothing went as planned. No matter how desperately Izuku wanted to stop the attack the villain made on Los Angeles, he couldn’t.
All Might had been right; he hadn’t been ready in any aspect for that mission. The culture shock was one thing, but the protocols the California heroes followed were completely different than anything he was used to. The slight language barrier had been the nail in the coffin.
Honestly, the older blonde was the only reason that Izuku had gotten as far as he did on the mission. The man’s own hero accomplishments being Izuku’s only resource for much needed wisdom during the undercover mission. Yagi was not only his guide but his interpreter since the young hero’s English hadn’t been very good when in rushed communicative situations.
Even with that, Izuku had kept making mistake after mistake when it came to communicating with the others, but the ending blow was his rushed judgment with information from an informant. It hadn’t been double checked but Izuku could feel the pressure around him to make a decision before it was too late.
It was his call, and it had led his team in the wrong direction. The villain wasn’t where the informant said they were meeting, and neither were the bombs they were supposed to immobilize.
What welcomed them inside a vacant building instead was an earth shattering explosion that came a few blocks away. There was no time to move, no time to evacuate the area. The buildings within a mile radius all crumbled under the shockwave. Everything had gone black within milliseconds.
Izuku only remembers waking up in an American hospital, IVs attached to his arms and bandages wrapped around his torso and head. Yagi was beside his bed, holding Izuku’s hand as he was the only person allowed to assist the prodigy overseas.
He remembered waking up in so much pain, his eyes burned to the point his vision was fuzzy even with the gentle light from the sun that seeped through the blinds. He could see that Yagi was watching the Tv in the corner of the room, but couldn’t see what was being televised. The foreign reporting was lost to the hero, just gibberish mingled with the heart monitor. Yagi looked so tired from what Izuku could tell. His frail body rested back in the chair, head resting in on his hand to keep it propped up.
“What happened?” Izuku questioned, his voice hoarse. His dry vocal cords whined in pain causing the hero to wince. Every muscle in his body screamed in resistance as he tried to pull himself into a sitting position. He hadn’t felt this sore in a long time.
Tired blue eyes looked toward the young hero, sadness filling his face as he examined his prodigy. “The bombs went off and decimated a major part of the city.” He explained, squeezing the hand he held. “The estimates were off by half a mile-“
“How many?” Izuku demanded, his hand now gripping on to his mentor’s like a lifeline. Yagi knew what he meant by his question and knew how much the young man hated to be coddled.
Yagi sighed as he looked into bloodshot green eyes. “5000 and counting.” He continued after a breath. “The city is still in crisis mode since there were no villains apprehended.” He spoke before dropping his gaze to look at their conjoined hands.
Each word formed a pit deep in Izuku’s stomach. His eyes stung as the gravity of the situation settled on his shoulders. The white sheets become incredibly blurry with every blink Izuku made to disperse the stinging feeling.
He was ultimately responsible for this- his hands were covered in the blood of so many innocent people. All because he didn’t do his job like he should have. There was no way a hero would ever allow such a catastrophic event to happen. How could he have been so stupid as to not do better!
“This is my fault.” His hoarse voice broke as he sobbed. Every breath cracked as tears streamed down freckled cheeks. There was no way to deny it, he was the one who had messed up. It had been his responsibility to locate the bombs and dismantle them. All the other heroes were where they were supposed to be, ready to suppress the villain as Izuku worked, take down any villains that fled and evacuate anyone in danger. It was Izuku who ruined the plan by not double checking his info.
“Young Midoriya, I think we should abandon this mission and return home.” Yagi stated. His voice was soft and kind, but it landed upon deaf ears. What he said was not an option for Izuku. He had to make things right.
“No! I will complete my mission!” The green haired hero yelled. He could feel the shame cascading inside of him. He was better than this, he couldn’t leave this mess for another hero to clean up. That went against everything that Izuku believed in, everything he tried to embody as he worked toward the title of Symbol of Peace. This was the opposite of what people needed in a hero.
“Midoriya,” Yagi's voice was exasperated at the other. “Your name was put down on the list of missing persons, not the agency's missing heroes list. They will not take responsibility for you since you were never registered under them to begin with. They don’t have to report this mission as part of the disaster because of this loophole. You were just a foreign hero here for training and got caught in the disaster. They have no reason to take responsibility for this unless you force their hand. As of right now you have basically disappeared off this earth, a casualty in a disaster. Continuing this mission will label you as dead. Break this agreement.” Yagi’s voice filled with urgency as he tried to convince his student to see common sense.
Izuku shook his head, ignoring what the other said. “I am a hero, I must finish what I have started!” Sobs broke his voice with a cracked whine as Izuku hunched in on himself. His mind filled with the loss of so many people because of him.
Yagi knew it was of no use to fight when Midoriya made up his mind. It was the one thing he wished he would have spent more time teaching the young man. Midoriya never saw value in himself, so his self-deprivation always outshadowed him. Midoriya wasn’t going to change his mind, no matter what the retired hero said. If anything, the young boy would go off by himself, without anyone to look out for him. So Yagi agreed to stay by his successor's side.
Yagi returned to being the man behind the chair for the hero; communicating everything the hero would need as he set out to finish this mission. Though it quickly turned into hunting. Yagi could see the obsession that overtook his successor, how this one thing became his life’s purpose. It broke the older man’s heart to watch the boy he saw as his son slowly break down to only a fragment of what he once was. That happy, confident and determined teen was no longer what would stand in front of him.
It was apparent how obsessed the hero became toward this villain. There was no question in his mind that it had turned into something more than just a responsibility but now was attached to his self worth. Izuku refused to return home as a failure with the blood of thousands of people on his hands.
Months went by with no success. Every day consumed in deliberating, researching and forming a plan; with every night hunting this villain whose quirk allowed him to faze away at will along with anything that he touched. Time after time, Izuku would get close to capturing him but then it would slip through his fingers, and the hunt would start all over. It was a game of cat and mouse, and Izuku was obsessed with it.
But to Yagi’s relief, an up and coming American hero was the one to take out that villain and bring the resolution the nation needed since the horrendous attack. The hero was never part of the mission, and thus the team just devolved into nothing with no statement made to the public. No credit, no consolation for their efforts, nothing but the end of the contracts.
It had taken 4 year… 4 years of determination and commitment gone without any resolution for Izuku. Yagi thought this would allow his successor to finally let go, and do what he needed to heal, but that was far from what happened. Izuku became a husk of who he was.
Rain slowly started to fall upon Izuku’s shoulders as the street lamps began to turn on. He stayed still, allowing cool water to mix with the building rage, hurt and pain. It was comforting in a way, how these feelings kept him in a bubble. How all of this helped keep the hero in a cycle of atoning for his sins.
After a couple of hours Izuku stood up, whipping the mud off his pants. He was exhausted, but it was nothing physical. Only mental fatigue. He was a hero, his body strong, but his mind? No it was weak, so porous that it could crumble at any moment.
Green eyes glanced over to the head stone next to his mother’s. Toshi had warned him about this but it didn’t help the pain that swelled as he tried to process the words carved into the stone older than the one next to it.
To see his own name on a headstone was perplexing. It was mind numbing to see the evidence of him no longer belonging in this world. He was no one but an empty grave. Basically a ghost.
He wished that he could carve the truth into the marble, or bury himself next to his mother and kill the misery that was his only link to being alive. Even with those thoughts, he knew he didn’t deserve the hope and love that was carved in his honor. He didn’t deserve to change it or recieve it.
Midoriya Izuku- ‘Deku’
Our Symbol of Peace
May he be found and returned home
His mother never gave up on him, even up till the day she died she hoped he would return home to her in some way. And she had been right, but 2 years too late for her to receive. Izuku shouldn’t have continued that mission. He should have returned home like Toshi-sama had told him. But he had chosen his pride over his own mother.
Izuku glanced at a large bouquet of roses that laid up against his own stone. The pedals were still fresh from any sign of wilting, the drops of water pulled in their center and gleaming red. Someone had been by within the past day since both stones were clean from any debris that would typically accumulate from the dirt and trees around them. Even the marble looked polished and practically new in their weathered state.
It brought a small smile to the tears stained cheeks at the thought that even now, years later, the Midoriya family was not forgotten. Someone still came to give respects to the mother and son that knew of no other family. Someone still cared for them. Someone still loved them.
Izuku allowed a few tears to fall, the weight in his chest eased enough to allow some happiness to fill it. Because, even with the way he had screwed up so badly. His mother had at least been a hero to someone. A person that was willing to care for her son as much as she had cared for him.
With a grunt to clear his throat, and scared fingers rubbing away the tears left, he got up from his squat with a deep breath. A hand falling to rest on his mother’s stone in farewell.
“I will come visit you soon mom, okay?” He whispered. The emptiness that should have been his mother's reply stung. “See you then.”
His walk out of the cemetery was a bit longer than he would have liked since it took a lot of effort to push down the remaining emotions. It wasn’t until he opened the door of a gray car that sat idle in the parking lot that he finally felt in control enough to not cry. Though, he still didn’t look at Tosh-sama. Just buckled his seat belt and slouch down into the seat without a word.
Why don’t we go visit your Bakugo? Toshi-sama suggested before focusing his attention on pulling the car out of it’s spot. “I heard he has opened his own agency now that he has made it to #4.” He continued, his tone lighter than the atmosphere in the small space.
Even with the heavy emotions that drained him, Izuku couldn’t stop the smile that crossed his face at the thought of Katsuki. He was proud of his friend’s achievements. He wished that he could have shared it with him.
“No,” He replied quickly, pushing away the desire. “He believes I am dead. It is better if things stay that way.” Izuku finished while a tear slipped free and slid down his freckles.
Toshi-sama frowned. “But Izuku, don’t you want to see the man you have so many feelings for?” He questioned, his voice almost as low as a whisper.
Izuku knew his mentor didn’t mean any malice with his words, but it stabbed him in the gut. No matter how true it was, it didn’t matter. He was dead, nothing more than a memory and headstone.
He swallowed the lump in his throat before he answered. “I gave up any chance to be with Kacchan when I chose to stay in America. He deserve more than what I could ever give him.” His tone came out sharper than he intended. But he couldn’t seem to care enough to change it. It was already a lot for him to just lean his head against the cool glass of the window.
The two stayed quiet for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say to the other as the sky grew darker around them. It was getting cold now that the seasons had shifted. The icy feeling against his skin though wasn’t enough to keep the memories at bay. He could only think of the blonde. So many moments playing before his eyes despite the desperation to throw them away.
Eventually the older man broke the silence, the hesitancy in his voice clear. “So what is you plan then?”
Izuku sighed, sitting up straighter in his seat. He had already thought long and hard about it on the flight home. It wasn’t hard to get to his conclusion, really it was simple. It was telling his mentor what he had decided that had kept his mouth shut until now. He knew that this was going to be a difficult conversation to have with the retired hero. He had a lot of opinions on what he should do, and wasn’t scared to voice them.
“I will help the Heroes as best as I can from the underground.” He started, his tone final and strong as to not allow the blonde any leeway to wiggle an argument in. “That will allow me to still protect people like I have strived for, but I will stay anonymous and allow the heroes to take the credit.” He explained calmly, avoiding the glance that Toshi-sama gave him.
Even with the evident dislike on his mentor’s face, Toshi-sama eventually nodded. “You know your funds are running low, Midoriya. Since your mother’s death all of your residual earnings now go to the Hero Commission since you hadn’t made a will. It will be impossible to regain the accounts without coming forward. The payments you got from your mission aren't going to last long.” He says, concern increasing as he spoke. “I have said it before, but I do think you should update the Japanese Hero’s Commission of your… a not death, so you can regain your estates.”
“I will figure something out.” Izuku grumbled, not paying attention to what the other was saying. The money didn’t really matter to the young hero, he just wanted to do what he loved. So he would do something about his finances, but not right now.
Word count: 3626
Well, that is chapter 1 of Lost Hero. What are your thoughts?
